i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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