it's not cheating when I paid for it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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