ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
