i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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