I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
