You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
