need another drink. this is the easiest way
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
