I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
