You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
