I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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