where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
