It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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