is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
