Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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