apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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