you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
