if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
