I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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