at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
