There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
