wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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