What a fucking waste of an outfit
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
