I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
