They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
