break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
