I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
