i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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