if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
