Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
