so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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