Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
