The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
