the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
