Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
