hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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