Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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