I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
