yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
