my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
