I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
