She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
