Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
