He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
