there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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