WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
