Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You pole danced in your parka.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
