Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
