I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
