They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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