I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
