So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
