he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
